


Dear Emma Swan

by unwritten



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, Character Death, Cutting, Dark, Dark Emma, Dark Magic, Dark!Emma, Death, Depression, Evil, F/F, Hurt, Lesbian, Letter, Magic, Murder, Pain, Poison, Post-Finale, Self Harm, Swan Queen - Freeform, Tragedy, Triggers, dagger - Freeform, finale, knife, potion, season 5, season four, the dagger, the dark one - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 09:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3931969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unwritten/pseuds/unwritten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I know the moment I am writing this that it's been a year trying to help you, and each method has failed in ways you can't even imagine. {post s4 finale, Swan Queen, allusions to murder/death}</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Emma Swan

Dear Emma Swan,

I know the moment I am writing this that it's been a year trying to help you, and each method has failed in ways you can't even imagine. Your parents and I have spent thousands of hours in my vault with potions, spells, books, and tears. 

Your mother won't stop crying.

Some days she takes a break and spends the day walking around the town, or looking through your stuff. I've been watching the toll it's taking on our son as well, you being unable to... reciprocate in the way he wishes every single day, and he's starting to wither away into nothing. The times you disappear for days at a time, he stops eating, refusing to touch anything that might help him. The medication Dr. Whale prescribed is scattered on the floor of his closet and he spends most of his time in his room now. I talk to him through the door a lot, making sure he's okay and still alive and one day he asked me if we could kill you. I was shocked by this, automatically going into scolding, but stopped myself before I got his last name out. I knew how much this was hurting him and I asked him why he thought that was a good idea, and his response that it would lessen the pain. I reassured him falsely that I could help you, even though I had a break down at your parents loft the day before. 

That was six months in.

After that I was more determined than ever to find a cure, to find the sorcerer, to make Henry smile again, and to have you back into my life. I can't live without you, Emma.

The day I told your parents about us was the day we lost Hook. He felt betrayed and lost and summoned his ship and left. Your parents weren't happy either, thinking I had used you and them and everyone because we were...

I don't understand what we were. It's more and more painful to think about each and every day that goes by. My feelings for Snow White and Prince Charming's savior daughter baffled me when you were around and normal just Emma, but now, now it's more confusing than it ever was.

I miss you.

Each potion I try is one step closer to victory, and one step closer to failure. I slip them into whatever alcohol you decide to drink in the morning on the days you're home. The nights you slink in and sleep on the floor is the hardest. I can't imagine how much pain the real you is feeling, if the dark you is killing me. 

Our first fight with you against me landed Henry in the hospital. Do you remember? All the blood from his little body scared the hell out of me, and I knew you did that to him. His own hands hurting himself was a product of what you've become. Why couldn't you have let me take the fall? Henry doesn't deserve what's happening around him.

Some nights I pray you'll come home to see us. You do, occasionally, but you disappear quickly after, except for the few weeks you were trapped.

The dagger had never left your hands before that, but when I found it buried six feet under in the cemetery, I cried with joy. I could make you come home! But controlling you would break the trust we had.

I spent a week trying to decided what I was going to do with it. 

My first instinct was to destroy it, but destroying it meant destroying you, and no matter how tempted Henry was, I couldn't let that happen to you. But I couldn't think of any other way of protecting our family from your outbursts and the drinking, so much drinking, Emma. I need you to stop drinking.

You were furious.

I summoned you and you looked like you would kill me on the spot. Your words were like hot ice, saying things I knew the real Emma would never ever say, and then you really did try. I fought back and you lunged for me. Your hands around my throat was something I never thought I'd feel, but in he state I was in, you touching me at all sent some sense of relief, even through the danger of your actions. Henry called your parents and the hospital and they tried to sedate you, failing. I had never cried harder than I did that night.

I've given up, Emma. I don't know how to help you anymore, and this is hurting everyone in your family. Days go by that I stay in the house, tears pouring until I'm dehydrated.

Where is the Emma Swan that I love?

I love you, Emma.

I miss you.

The other day, I discovered a potion, a poison, and that's why I'm writing this letter. I have to use it. It's powerful enough to... The thought of seeing you like that makes me ill, but I have to, have to. I have to rid of the town and your family and Henry from the pain and terror you're causing.

The knife is ready.

I cried over it last night when I was soaking it. I prayed for the first time in my life, asking whatever deity that would listen for forgiveness.

I'll make Henry take a forgetting potion.

This is the only way, Emma. And I am so, so sorry.

I love you.

I'll see you again someday.

~Regina


End file.
